Every day is a school day? Many a
time we have heard that. Well, today I have been handed a lesson in photography
- something I never knew I needed. In fact, as a youngster I did do a course in
the subject but sometimes, as they say, it is hard to see the wood for the
trees or, in my case, the plasterboard for the furniture. I have always been a
man of self belief so it was with reluctance that I hired a professional
photographer to 'shoot' our new house and boy, am I glad I did. With proper
gear and an experienced eye, rather than a cheap phone standing on a chair, he
has created a masterpiece. A palace by the sea, if you will. When I look back
at the snaps I took when we got the keys to this place, just 15 months ago, and
compare them to now, I have to say it makes me rather proud.
Something else I am also getting
lessons on is fly fishing. My father was an avid fisherman, chasing salmon from
the Tenbury Teme to the Tay and I never quite saw the attraction. But here I
am, a good few years later with a new rod, reel, line and box of brightly
coloured fluffy things. Admittedly, as yet, I haven’t much idea what to do with
it all but a pal has promised to take me to a local lake where the goal is to
catch a trout for my tea. I may go hungry for a while!
It is quite rare in this column
that I don’t mention the eco-mental fraternity getting on my goat and this
month I really have to rant about the treatment of that good old house-wive's
choice, James Bond. No longer can he tear up the France Riviera in his
beautiful Aston DB5, but instead, in the next film episode due out soon he is
issued with a save-the-planet electric car! OK, it is still an Aston Martin,
possibly British made, but is this really necessary to degrade this hero to
that level, so that when he races after villains, he will need to stop and
plug-in every 100 miles? What if there are no handy 240v sockets when he is
hurtling around rural Russia after baddies? Will he just park up and walk? Or
get the bus? Maybe Q can give him a fold-up bike to stick in the boot for such
emergencies? It is nothing less than an outrage, I say. Might as well arm the
poor chap with a spud-gun as well?
On the tenuous subject of goats,
they seem to have made the news this month. Firstly a herd of 120 wild Kashmiri
goats wondered down from the snowy mountains of North Wales and invaded the
town of Llandudno, presumably to watch the rugby. After a lot of complaints
about the smell, one spokes-goat said, 'we
put up with it for a while but it was a bit rough! We just had a few pints and
a pie and chips in the Kings Head, but after that things got a bit out of hand
when the locals started chanting anti-goatish songs and talking about curry. A
few of the kids ended up in the cells but we are happily back on our mountain again
now!' Then, just a few days later we hear about Belle the Pigmy goat who
was stolen in Shropshire and presumed cooked. Then, a few days later she turned
up wandering around a train station in Manchester, surely not the safest towns
for such creatures. Just how she released herself from the clutches of such
evil scoundrels in unclear but at least it gave the press chance to divert
their Brexit headlines with 'Escape Goat!'
While trying my hardest to steer
away from government discussions at present, for obvious reasons, I would like
to raise the subject of inflation and, more poignantly, how it is calculated. Somewhere
out there amongst the corridors of power, somebody with a clipboard makes decisions
about what is and isn’t in the 'basket' of consumer goods that are measured
annually to see if they have gone up in price. My simple question is 'why would
you leave things out?' Apparently envelopes and armchairs are now excluded, but
Alexa speakers are recently on the list and I am not quite sure how they arrive
at that decision. For example, according to one statistic, more households in
UK have a voice-activated speaker than a pet rabbit! From which I ascertain
that a lot of people must own pet rabbits - which are excluded from the calculations?
A 3-piece suite may double in price next year but that won't matter a fig as it
isn’t in the basket? Isn't that called manipulating the figures? Here is a more
significant example: if the current level of inflation is really only at 2%,
then why have my gas, phone, electric, train-fare and council tax bills all
gone up by ten?
And so, after our 4 month long
stint, in a few weeks we will packing up our small change and heading south to
France for some summer again. Each year this gets a little harder as I find
myself more attached to this Fife coast, with its quirky streets, friendly pubs
and stunning views. I will be back for a couple of weeks in May to progress
with building our extension, and again in July for a wedding, both of which I
am already looking forward to. Maybe the time has come in our life to make some
decisions about where we really call home these days.
