Well this is rather
tedious, isn’t it? Three months locked down; predicted to go on for a lot
longer; masks, gloves and paranoia; impending financial meltdown; governments
that can do no right; world recession - it's hard to see an upside really? That
is, unless you sit with the window open and listen to the birdsong for a while?
It used to be only in
the dawn hours that the privileged few could really do this, but now we all get
to appreciate nature all-day long, as the roads and crowds are still. Moreover,
thankfully, we get the time to do this too, as we are not out being stressed at
work, or spending hours getting there, or scrummaging around in shops buying
things we don’t need to top up our material kingdoms. Or going to the
supermarket everyday, as we are not organised enough to write a full weekly
shopping list like our mothers and grannies used to. We eat and drink at home,
for a fraction of the price it costs to queue for Costa-lot-latte or a
seven-quid glass of Chardonnay in the local Beefeater beer-garden. Surely we
eat better food too? Boil the spuds instead of greasing them up; maybe throw in
some greens, or make a curry from things in the fridge instead of paying
fifteen quid each for a Bhuna and enduring all that awful eastern music and
carpeted walls? Who needs a new car, when we don’t use it? We don’t spend a
couple of grand on holidays, because, even through the darkest days, we can't
really convince ourselves that we are tired, worn-out or deserved of two weeks
of lavishness at the seaside - even if we could. Instead, we go for walks
everyday rather than twice per year, to places on our own doorstep we hardly
knew existed, and we do it willingly, and enjoy it. And, unlike the monthly
membership at the gym, it's free. It always was. Including the weekly quizzes
and catch-ups on Zoom with friends and relatives.
And it was always
there. All of it. Hiding in plain sight.
I am no guru. In
fact, my constant flippant remarks in this column generally have very little
substance, I am the first to admit that. But this month, I really do believe
something rather good may have unexpectedly come out of this disaster. Even
when it's over, millions of people will still experience the pleasures of a
‘work-from-home’ environment. Thousands of offices will close as the
realisation sinks in that we don’t actually have to be all in the same room for
meetings, or bickering around the coffee machine. Children, older ones anyway,
will continue to be able to school online, as well as learning valuable
life-lessons of self-discipline. Without this overly-closeted environment,
maybe we will all stay healthier. Let alone passing on Corona virus, even the
common-cold should be contained.
Town centres will see
an evolution of unprecedented proportions, as high-street shopping spirals past
us into history, as it was always destined to do since the invention of the
internet. So will high-street banks. We won't even need the cash-machines any
more. In fact, it won't be so long before we are explaining to the next
generation what a fiver looked like, and how a fifty pence piece had corners on
it! And, with all this comes a massive financial saving, surely? Hell, if we
don’t spend so much, and don’t need to go out to impress everyone else, perhaps
we could work less hours, or even part-time? And if we all worked less hours,
theoretically, there would be more jobs? Am I sounding like a politician now? I
hope not.
And here’s another
thing, while I am at my lectern of eternal optimism: what about all that global
warming malarkey? Hasn’t it been a pleasure not to have Chris Packham spouting
his drivel on every headline, telling us that our cows are killing the planet?
Or that irritating school-child in her yellow plastic mac accusing us of stealing
everything? And all those sanctimonious Vegans? Don’t get me wrong - I am not
saying climate-change and its problems will suddenly go away, but it certainly
feels like its slowed down a little, if only because it can't get a word in
edgeways, while Laura Kronenberg and her BBC cronies spend their time
character-assassinating the government at every opportunity. But without cars,
planes and business travel, I believe those in the know are suggesting the
difference to the environment is starting to show in just a few short months.
Surely we can benefit from that knowledge? Incidentally, Mr Monnibot, there are
still just as many flatulent cows in the world! And, while we are on that
subject, as well as clapping our hands for all the doctors and nurses out there
doing their job, let’s hear a should-out for our farmers out there doing
theirs? No, we don’t need to stand and clap for them too on Thursday night -
just buy your food locally, that’s the reward they deserve.
OK. Before you say
‘who wrote this, and what have you done with the Fraz we know and laugh at?’, I
just want to remind any of you insomniacs out there, there’s only three sleeps
left until Christmas!
As my local baker
says : Stay Sane - Save Loaves!
