Who wants to know?

The day we moved into this little cottage coincided with the 2011 census form falling on the new doormat. I opened and had a laugh as did many households. ‘Do you speak English?’ No, can you send me a form written in German? ‘This question is intentionally left blank’….One assumes they had forgotten the question they were intending to ask!

What I find quite confusing is the ethnic question. It seems one can no longer settle for being British. I have always been British and quite proud of it. The fact that I don’t live permanently in Britain is my choice. The fact that I don’t live in Britain also, I believe, exemplifies me from filling in the illiterate rubbish anyway. Am I breaking the law? Well catch me if you can, because if I don’t fill it in, you won’t know where I live!

 When it comes to Rugby, yes I support England because that is where I was born. But does that make me English? I don’t want to be English, I have met a lot of English people in France and I don’t like many of them. My grandmother was Welsh, does that make me Welsh? After all, my brother supports Wales in the 6 nations. But, on the whole, I dislike the Welsh as well. My surname, Frazier, suggests I am possibly from Scottish ancestry or perhaps French. My mother’s maiden name, McCormick, definitely originates from Southern Ireland. Do I have the right to decide what nationality I am? And if so, can I reserve my right not to tell anyone?

Because, to be frank, what the f**k does it have to do with them? I understand that the Doomsday book was necessary so that the new King on the block could work out exactly what it was he had just won. When tracing my own ancestors, I did refer to the 1881 census which fed me dome useful information, I agree. But if I fill in this one, I will give the government a bum steer because I am only living here for 2 months, I would rather be in France and I don’t want to be tagged by nationality or religion. Where is the question, ‘Do you like living in England?’ So I can answer ‘No, I think it is a shithole and the government are a bunch of overpaid tossers! They didn’t ask me that one, did they? Maybe that is the one that was intentionally left blank?

This is what I think will happen. This information will be used for the wrong reasons. Statistics will show that certain areas now have ethnic majorities and this will be used to fuel the uprising that is spreading from the middle east into some of our cities. Britain is sitting on an ethnic time-bomb and once all this information gets collated it will only help it tick a little faster. There, I have said what others dare not to and for that reason I am not about to tell anyone where I live.