Tuesday 14 June 2011


A while ago we installed an electric fence system to contain our two dogs within our grounds. The device is simply a collar that gives out a warning beep when the animal gets to near to the fence and then a small electric shock if it ignores the warning. The instructions said it would take up to 31 days to train the average dog, and quite correctly, Pooper, the clever one, learned in about 10. Unfortunately it has taken Louis, the not so clever one, three and half years and he still has to wear his collar like some sort of ASBO! It is not that he is being naughty or defiant; I am quite convinced that he just forgets and wanders out into the road.
However, the device got me around to thinking about other purposes it could serve. For instance I could wear one so that it sent me a reminder when I went to near the cheese, or the pub even. I know I shouldn’t go there, but sometimes (often involving alcohol) my mind plays tricks on me and calls me to temptation. Possibly football players could wear them to stop them getting too close to other players wives or sisters. Idiot rugby players could wear them to stop them going on game shows and Andy Murray could wear one that electrocuted him every time he lost a set point at Wimbledon. The possibilities are endless. Hands up who would like to see John Prescott or Susan Boyle get a shock every time they go near a TV camera or Alan Sugar every time he says anything smug? Although the latter might be quite a drain on the batteries. Let the shocking campaign begin.

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