Friday 21 December 2012

Mayan mayhem

Wow, we’re still here?
Were you hiding under the bed at twenty past midnight last night? No?
No, nor was I.
But it seems that a lot of people were, as Mayan-mania swept the world in advance of that deathly hour of 20.12-20.12-2012. Well, when I say: THE WORLD, obviously we only talking about America here, as to them, the rest of us don’t really exist.
You see, the Yanks love stuff like this because they have no history or intelligence of their own.
So when some old guy from Mexico put the frighteners on us by saying we will all die in a freak astronomic accident on this specific date, they all go; ‘Oh yeah. That sounds likely. Gee thanks for the warning, Bud. I’ll go hide out in the basement.’
The fact that some other crackpot had said the same about the millennium year - that we would all perish by a similar apocalyptic fate - which never materialised, is by the by. Maybe that guy got it wrong, but those Mexicans, well they are such a trust-worthy bunch, ‘you gotta believe them.’
But now, there is nothing to look forward to anymore because we’re all still here, as the doom-mongers are once again proved wrong and have to park their sandwich boards back under the stairs for a while.
The End of the World is Nigh, they say?
Well just to satisfy you, yes, it probably is actually. When we run out of oil! Or perhaps when global warming fries us up like pork-scratchings after the very last tree has been put on the energy bonfire. Maybe we wont have to wait that long, if a stray meteorite hits us head on one night or we all contract bird-flu from the Chinese?
An even more likely possibility is that we all commit mass suicide after listening to yet another contrived Simon Cowel Christmas number one or maybe die of boredom when BBC rolls out yet another '50 Shittiest Christmas Groans' from the last five decades on TV instead of making some decent drama programmes with licence payer’s money?
The end of the word is nigh?
One thing for sure. Each and every one of us will see the end of our world during our own lifetime.
And if my voodoo classes workout, hopefully Debra Meadan, Louis Walsh and that bloke on the Go-compare advert will go before I do!

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