Thursday 18 November 2021

Rurally depraved

 December already, and the goose is getting fat. Well, for goose, read 'me', for I still cannot get out and do all that hard work that constitutes exercise. You may recall I was laid up last month with a poorly shoulder? Sadly is has made very little stride towards recovery as yet, despite scans, armrests and painkillers. Next stop may be the knife, although I am not sure whether the French, nor British, medical system has a theatre-window in their schedule this side of next Christmas, let alone this one. So I'm still off games, with Wendy doing the driving, gardening, cooking etc. 

Alas, through the shifting sand, our plans have been revised a few times but hopefully by the time this goes to print we will be in our house on Fife's east coast, gazing serenely out into the Forth with our woollies on. Of course, there will be domestic chores that go with that, such as redecoration and running repairs after a highly successful rental season, before a flurry of bookings already in the diary for next year drive us back south again in spring. Again, I may be excused of some of those duties due to the aforementioned affliction. At least now I can manage to write, something which is occupying much of my time just now.

This trip we will be without the animals for once. Can't say I will miss the wee terror that is Hoggie, or Hoggina as she is now called. I am not sure if I mentioned this but when we took him to be neutered it transpires that it is in fact female, quadrupling the cost of the job in the process. Well, I wasn’t to know how to check, was I? I did try to Google 'Sex Kitten' but got some rather disturbing results and a rush of blood! Anyway, the little rascal really has now got her feet firmly under our table or, more concerningly, on it, as she thieves like a Ali Baba - except I am probably not allowed to say that in this PC world anymore? Sadly, Louis the pointless pointer is slowly deteriorating into a world of confusion, as doggy dementia seems to be setting in. Despite him never being the sharpest knife in the drawer it is quite heartbreaking to see him wondering round in circles but I am sure he is as happy in his own little world as he ever was. So they are all staying home with house-sitters, for a wee while anyway.

Meanwhile, on the business front we are midst a small property deal in the Balkans which as always is besieged with trauma. One would have thought that, since these countries joined the EU, things might be a bit more straight forward, except that... Oh yes, we are no longer a member! What joy. Talk about one step forward, two steps back. This thing could win Strictly!

As a Midlander, I find the latest UK government stoochie quite amusing as it proclaims it is going to 'level up the North'! Now, this to me sounds about as achievable as lighting up the dark side of the moon, or moving the equator. How on earth does anyone in their right mind believe they can plug a century-old financial chasm with talk and a few hand-outs?  'Here, have a railway. In fact, no, you can't have that, it costs too much. Have some extra council houses instead!' And by the way, we will no longer mention the word 'depravity', which has been scrubbed from our dictionaries along with 'slavery, inferiority and Thatcherism', and since been replaced with words like 'rurality' which basically means a place where few people live.  If only the word 'honesty' could still be aligned with sincerity. Then, instead of all these hollow promises, someone in the mid-benches might stand up and say what they really think: 'If you don’t like living in the North, bloody well move south to civilisation!'  Or shut-up, head to Primark and buy some extra vests!

Happy Festivities, one and all, when it arrives.

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